This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
