so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
