You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
