I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
