You really coming over, don't trick.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
