I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
