And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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