She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
