alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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