shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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