You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
