Your mouth is God's brothel.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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