I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
