how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
