i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
