So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
