What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
