There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
