she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I still have a little drunk in my system
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
