I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
