The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
