If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
