dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
