last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
