what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
