Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
