His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
