Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
