even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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