he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
