we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
