Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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