he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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