i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
