I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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