Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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