found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
