I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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