doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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