Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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