there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
