the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
