I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
