just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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