i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
