so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
