there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's the barista slut.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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