Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
