so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
