I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
