Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
