Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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