His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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