Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
