Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
