I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
