capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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